rocknload | but i was a star for one whole minute;

jkbaduini: INDOCTRINATE THEM TO THE WONDER OF BATMAN: SINGING DANCING PAPERBOY.

rocknload: ...... I THINK I SHOULD EXPLAIN IT EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

jkbaduini: YOU SHOULD. I GUARANTEE IT WOULD GARNER INTEREST.

And so, on Janella's orders, I will introduce you all to Batman: Singing Dancing Paperboy, completely with lots of low quality screencaptures, because the quality of my copy of the movie is laaaame.

First off, I'll say that this movie is based on a true story. It even says so.

This is about as true as saying that the animated movie Pocahontas is based on actual events. Oh, Disney, you just hate history, don't you.

But let's not dwell on historical accuracy. Instead, let's dwell on Batman. A really really young Batman, who is in fact so young I can't see anything but adorable kid--I believe I thought he was hot when I was fourteen or so. In this universe, Batman's name is Jack.

A few things about Jack. First off, his nickname's Cowboy, and despite being probably Irish, living in New York City, and having a Brooklyn accent so think it's actually difficult to understand him sometimes, he seems to believe this nickname is apt. Everyone indulges him this little fixation--you should, too.

Jack thinks his life sucks--and objectively, I have to agree. He dreams of getting out of NYC, bailing on all his friends, and moving out West, he lies to everyone that knows him about everything from his name to his family, and things like riots and violence make him 8DDDDDD. No, seriously.

But this movie isn't just a musical! It's pretty much a buddy movie, which means Jack needs a straight man. And so we need David.

David's the smart, serious, cautious guy--who, oddly enough, seems to be terminally unable to shut up even when it's for his own good. The movie seems to think David is in need of a confidence boost, but I can't think of a single instance when he actually demonstrated this. "Lying is UNCOOL," he says.

He is less enthused by acts of violence.

The movie's pretty focused on the two of them, but! We also have endearing background characters! Kids like David's adorable little conartist brother. Everyone loves Les.

Spot Collins, leader of the the Brooklyn Newsies! They seem to enjoy terrorizing people with slingshots.

Crutchy, the token kid who can't walk so good!

Racetrack! He, uh, likes to gamble, apparently.

What do these kids do? Well, they all live in New York, 1899, and they sell newpapers for one cent each, they vocally wish for mayhem and death on a massive scale to increase their sales--until those evil bastards, Pulitzer and Hearst decide to cut their earnings by a tenth of a cent per paper. Already on the brink of proverty, the newsies are distraught, and turn to Jack for leadership. Jack, ever the levelheaded one, incites a riot in response.

How does he do this? By breaking out into song. No, I'm not kidding. That's what he does.

The kids continue to sing and dance throughout the movie, even as the opposition does hilarious things like lock them in a courtyard to be beaten by thugs armed with chains and clubs.

No, that won't bring them down! There's singing to be done.

After that, the movie follows the pretty standard buddy-movie formula of ESTABLISHING THE FRIENDSHIP.

Then we BREAK UP THE FRIENDSHIP.

And then MAKING UP.

But with MORE SINGING. Singing tracks with cheerful names like Seize the Day! Which I've listened to about a hundred times.

Carrying the Banner! Maybe eighty times.

King of New York! Still lots of times.

And together, with a lot of hugging--seriously, they're all so clingy, it makes me wonder if being orphans damaged their upbringing--a lot of dramatic speeches and touching moments, they triumph over adversity and win the day!

So, basically, it's a fun happy adorable movie with fun characters and catchy songs and--okay, okay, I think I've made my point.

Okay, I'll shut up, now. ^__^;;;

Edit: Except I won't! At special request of

jkbaduini, I present a most interesting sequence.