[Fic: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang] random drabbles

[rocknload]

Random drabbles for Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, no real pattern or theme, seven of them. Because seven is an awesomely round number. Mostly about Harry, one Harry/Harmony... blah. Edit: Oh, and warnings for themes of child abuse. You think I'd remember to put that, huh.

01. Money

The first time Harry got arrested, he was seventeen and he’d stolen a watch of all things. An ugly watch. He’d told everyone it was a gun, because that sounded so much cooler.

Second time, it was VCRs.

Third time, it was more VCRs.

The fourth time was special, actually. Sort of. He was twenty-seven and the plan had been to boost some pretty things from a jewelry store. He’d tried to back out at the last second and he almost got shot for that.

By the fifth time he’d been arrested, VCRs were obsolete. He’d gone for DVD players.

*

02. Step

“Stay behind me,” Perry says, pulling his gun from his inside jacket pocket. If his instincts are right—and, yeah, sometimes they aren’t, but usually they are—things are about to get ugly.

But instead of obeying, Harry acts like he didn’t even hear. “What? Why?”

Perry shakes his head incredulously. “Harry. Stop arguing. Stop talking. Just do it.”

The bad guys open fire four seconds later, Harry falls down to his knees immediately and announces, “I’m bleeding.” Perry has to resist the urge to hit his partner in the face with his gun—and hit him hard—as he moves to cover him.

*

03. Skin

The first time they have sex Harry doesn’t want to ruin it—and in fact he spends a lot of time thinking about ways to not ruin it. That’s something he wouldn’t admit ever, because for one Harmony would hurt him, and anyway that’s just embarrassing.

He still manages to screw up, though, because right after the fact—and he just couldn’t help it, honest—the first thing out of his mouth is, “So, this was a biggie, right?”

Harmony responds by trying to kill him, a little bit, with her pillow. “God, Harry,” she says, “are you incapable of shutting up?”

*

04. Child

It’s so fucked up.

But when she was a little girl, really little, she had no idea why Jenna got all that attention, why Daddy loved her better. And then when she did—oh god, it is so fucked up—she wondered why her, why Jenna, did Daddy think she was prettier? Did he—

So fucking fucked up.

And she says all of that, the whole fucked up thing, to Perry one night when she’s had about eight vodka martinis and three beers. Before she passes out, she grabs Perry by the collar and says, “Please don’t tell Harry.”

He doesn’t.

*

05. Late

“I’m so sorry,” Harry is saying, over and over again, and it’s true, he is. He reaches out to put a hand on Perry’s shoulder, then he takes it back, then he decides to go for it. “Does that, um, hurt?”

“No, Harry,” Perry practically spits. And then he does spit, to get the blood out of his mouth. It doesn’t work. “I’m fine. Getting shot is something you just get used to.”

“… I’ll go call an ambulance.”

“You do that.” And it’s funny. Perry can’t bring himself to say that it’s Harry’s fault—even though that’s true. It is.

*

06. Dirt

Harry decides to visit the graves, all five of them. He doesn’t tell Perry and he doesn’t tell Harmony, because he knows what they’d say and maybe he makes them listen to him all the time and it’d only be fair—but right now, about this, he doesn’t want to hear it.

He doesn’t bring flowers, but he brings pennies. And he follows the same routine at each headstone—he places one coin on each marker and he just stands there and he looks.

Before he leaves, he tells them, “I’m sorry you’re dead, but I’m not sorry I killed you.”

*

07. Voice

It drives Perry absolutely nuts how the two of them don’t phone the police anymore. No. They call him.

First it’s Harmony, interrupting his perfectly nice dinner with a very attractive man. “Hi, Perry, here’s the thing, I think this guy’s following me home from—”

“Call the fucking cops,” Perry says. And he hangs up.

Five minutes later, it’s Harry. “Yeah, Perry, I was following Harmony home—long story, don’t ask—when I saw that this other guy was—”

“Call the fucking cops,” Perry says. And he hangs up.

He goes almost three whole minutes before he calls them back.

*

Comments

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

For one insane moment there, I thought you were writing Harry Potter fic.

[sunsetsred.livejournal.com]

...Harry/Harmony? Are you sure you're talking about KKBB and not HP?

[sunsetsred.livejournal.com]

OH GOOD I'M NOT ALONE

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

HEY, DO YOU HAVE MY CAKE PLATE?

[sunsetsred.livejournal.com]

...

I WILL SAY ONE THING: I JUST WOKE UP.

TAKE THAT AS A WARNING, SO I DONT END UP BITCHING YOU AT FOR ASKING ME STUPID THINGS.

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

PHHFT, I'VE BEEN AWAKE FOR THREE HOURS DOING LAUNDRY. POSSIBLY THAT GIVES ME EVEN MORE RIGHT TO BITCH.

I was going to swing by the Container Store later today; I'm assuming you have all of today off?

[sunsetsred.livejournal.com]

I am officially on vacation, yes. Which means today is the one day I have to finish the rest of that fucking vest because I was too fucking exhausted from working 11 hours Monday and 11 hours Tuesday to come home and do anything the last two nights. And I also have modly shit to finish, which doesnt even include the two things I'm supposed to be doing which I'm going to have to go "lol sorry gaiz :(" on.

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

DDD can suck it, darling. Finish your vest, get some rest, and I'll see you tomorrow. ♥

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Observe. Harry, Harmony, and Hermione.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

They are like, planets apart.

For one, people in KKBB get to say awesome things like the quote in my icon.

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

OMG I LOVE YOU FOR WRITING HARRY/HARMONY. Because hardly anyone does and they're so cute together. I realize that the slash writes itself in this fandom, but I prefer het and would like an occasional bone. ;)

[agilebrit.livejournal.com]

Also, #4 is wonderfully screwed up and very very human. Excellent.

[pensive]

IAWTC

[noctuabunda.livejournal.com]

OMG. This fandom just won an absolutely awesome writer! I loved them all.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that one was kind of a touchy subject, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for your comment!

[ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com]

4, 6, and 7 were my favorites, especially 7 because that is so in character for all three of them. I love that Perry calls them back three minutes later.
4, too, is totally amazing, and disturbing, and I love that Harmony chooses Perry to talk with, not Harry.
6 is great because I can see Harry doing this.

I'm pretty devoted to the slash in this fandom, but this is great het. Nice work!

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

Explain to me what this KKBB is about.

And that sounds an awful lot like something I imagine being said in your household, actually.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Here is another quote! Yes, it is rather like the things my family says to each other, and in fact we've been quoting the movie quite a bit.

Basically--Robert Downey, Jr.'s character, Harry, is a thief who accidentally wanders onto the set of a Hollywood audition, and ends up getting flown out to Los Angeles. There he mets up with his old high school crush, Harmony. And he's partnered up with Val Kilmer's character, Perry, who's a private detective that's been hired to help Harry improve his acting, since Harry's supposed to play the part of a police detective.

Except Harry and Perry accidentally witness a murder, and Harmony ends up involved, and Harmony begs for Harry's help, and Harry asks for Perry's help, and then the body magically winds up in Harry's shower--and Perry spends most of the movie going WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS COMPLETELY STUPID and trying to make sure Harry doesn't die and WILD HIJINKS ENSUE as they try to solve the case.

It's also hilariously funny while also keeping the characters totally in character and letting them get serious about things--like, when Harry kills someone for the first time it's a really kind of heartbreaking moment--and jfdkfjdfs it's just a great movie. I watched it for the RDJ, but now I'm pretty much in love with it all on its own.

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

That sounds.....pretty good, actually.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

I could dig up some clips, if you're interested~.

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

I am, I am~

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Here! Harry is having a shitty day.

Harry can't do math.

Harry kills that guy. Continuation of that scene.

Harry is falsely accused.

... As you can see, uh. I like Harry.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

Seven's my favorite, too. ^^

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

Well, honestly, if there are eight chambers, the probability only would have been raised to 12.5%.

And of course you like Harry. He's Robert Downey Jr.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

It still was incredibly unlikely, yeah!

I think I like him because I can imagine almost all of his lines coming out of Sam Witwicky's mouth.

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

So this is what Sam would have become without COSMIC INTERVENTION and luck of ancestors? A dim, two bit hoodlum?

I subscribe to this view.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Well. Sam himself seemed to come from an extremely privileged background--only kid, expensive area, parents obviously very well off--so I don't know if he could exactly turn out that way. But, with the same personality and maybe an AU history? I could totally see it.

Pfft, Sam is not dim, though. ... Harry kind of is.

I ... kind of want to cross over KKBB/Transformers just to get the two of them talking at each other, actually. I'm resisting.

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

Sam could rebel against his affluent background and take to stealing for the thrill! A watch would be a good first take, since it's small, but valuable. I'd weight this as more of a possibility if he and his parents didn't get along so well. I mean, they have disagreements, but they're not the kind of neglect-issue disagreements that might drive him to do it.

I think you need to just give in already. What good will resisting do, in the long run?

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

If he had a background like Mikaela's, it'd be easier. Actually, if the two of them had met under different circumstances ... Huh. I think Sam would need someone to lead him into that kind of thing, because it just wouldn't occur to him on his own! Mikaela looks like she's mostly straight now, though.

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE? Clearly, you've been watching too much Star Trek!

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

Mikaela's would be perfect. She could totally roll her jock boyfriends as a form of rebellion! What circumstances are you picturing, though? I got the impression that she still considered herself better than Sam, at least at the beginning of the movie.

Hey, only ONE of those episodes had the Borg in it!

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

I have ... no idea. She was never all that nasty to Sam, really, except in the oblivious, he's not even on her radar kind of way. After the movie, I dunno--I don't think she has a whole lot of respect for the law and stuff, though she probably really doesn't want to go to jail. I'm not sure what her stance on breaking the law would be.

... Tanz gave me a set up for the crossover anyway. NOW RESISTANCE REALLY IS FUTILE. Did you finally get through all your episodes?

[immelmanturn.livejournal.com]

By the end of the movie, neither of them is going down Harry's path; they've got RESPONSIBILITY and FAMILY and CREEPY VOYEURISTIC CAR THREESOMES. But yeah, I'll give Mikaela a bit of flexibility in regards to strict legal issues. Sam's probably more of a worrywart about it, though.

Excellent. Does Harry try to steal Sam's car? And yes, I did! They were excellent, even the one where Q tries to seduce Janeway.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Yeah, they've got way too much going on--and I've got the idea that Harry doesn't have much of anything. Very sad.

Basically, Sam is dared into shoplifting and Harry happens to be around in order to tell you YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG, KID.

[le-red-queen.livejournal.com]

ROFL. First, Drabbles = Love. (Esp. the coins one. Absofuckinglutely perfect)
And second, Harry Potter? Bwahahahahaha!

[viciouscats.livejournal.com]

Oh, these are excellent! Loved them all, especially #7.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Aha, yeah, my silly silly friends. XD

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your comment!

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

i stumbled over here following your IM fic you just posted, the one I hven't commented on yet, just to say that these are lovely and perfect and in character and wow. just so happy that there is KKBB fic. out there. in the universe.

I think I might love the last one the best.

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your comment! Yeah, there oughtta be more KKBB fic--I only saw the movie just recently, and I think I fell in love with everything about it. Especially the way everyone in it talks. And Harry. So much love.

[dollygrip.livejournal.com]

Take two... “Yeah, Perry, I was following Harmony home—long story, don’t ask—when I saw that this other guy was—”

I love that :)

[rocknload.livejournal.com]

Hee, glad you liked it! I really need to write more fic for this movie, but Iron Man's been distracting me a lot, recently.

And re: your previous comment, you're welcome to friend me, if you want! ^^ FYI: I usually don't friend people back that add me for fic, just I somehow doubt they'll enjoy having their flist spammed with daily updates about my boring life.

[dollygrip.livejournal.com]

:) I'm so socially awkward on LJ.

There does need to be more KKBB fic out there. And KKBB/Iron Man crossovers...

[newtypeshadow.livejournal.com]

The last one made me laugh out loud. Poor Perry--and yet, I love that they call him. ♥

These were really good! Powerful too, especially the Harmony/father one, and Harry visiting the graves.

Kudos!

♥